It’s been a very long day..sigh.
I was woken by the teenager asking me to wash her socks, oh joy!
Darling Husband pulled the quilt off me, because I was annoying him looking so snuggled up and cosy…sigh.

I gave sock washing instructions which I discovered were followed to the letter…apart from the actual sock bit, they were no-where to be seen. You know sometimes I think I’m wasting my money on her education!

I dried the socks with the hairdryer, cooked scrambled eggs and baked beans, persuaded the younger two to get dressed and took them out for a walk.
“Why do boys have willies, Mummy?” …sigh…

Me: ‘OOh, look, there’s a butterfly!’

I came in to the kitchen and made a cup of tea.
Read a ton of emails
Emptied the dishwasher and re-stacked it
Made a loaf of Bread
Fed 28 pigs and carried 10 buckets of water
Put the washing out
Filled the washing machine
Cooked sausages and peeled potatoes
Answered emails
Made Chelsea Buns and Danish Pastries
Put the washing out
Filled the washing machine
Found something for tea out the freezer
Answered emails
Put the washing out
Filled the washing machine (Isn’t life terribly exciting some days?)

‘Yes of course I can dispatch that today!’ (whimper)
I was terribly brave and followed instructions to go into a supermarket other than Waitrose (OHMYGOD!!)and buy their bargain of the day Daz soap powder (we use a ton a day, I’m sure).
I paid a bill
Sent the enormous parcel
Came home to find Darling Husband asleep on the sofa..grrr!
Put tea on to cook
worked on my site
Put tea out
Uttered the immortal words…”Darling sit down and take your snorkel off at the table” (No, I’m not kidding)
Worked on my site some more
Bathed the girls
Fed 28 Pigs and carried 10 buckets of water
Oh..I forgot to mention,
my new boots, did you know I have new boots?
Hmm, well, my lovely new boots were outside the back door where all boots should be.
I picked them up, shook them and bashed them delicately against the wall to loosen any dust or foreign objects that might have found their way in.
All dust out…
Foot in!
Squelch!
Gosh what’s that green sticky stuff on my sock and more importantly in my new boot???
A very squished caterpillar…euck!!
Shudder!
yuck
yuckky
yuck…a very long day indeed.

Another true story written and presented by Frog in the Field Party Bag Company

I think the film was in two parts and halfway through two ladies appeared either side of the huge screen with a tray of dodgy choc-ices.

The cinema was packed.
My father didn’t appreciate being in such close quarters to the great unwashed in case his suit got a spec or crease on it, oh what a joyous family trip that was!
My sister must have been there but as is (what I thought was) normal for sisters, we hated eachother in those days.
My girls are strangely lovely to eachother almost all the time (is that normal?).

The cinema seats these days are plush, they don’t numb your bottom after 3 minutes and you can see the screen even when someone is sitting in front of you (even the children can), which I find quite a novelty!
I felt sick after 20 minutes of trashy adverts for plastic tasting sweets and Pizza purveyors. Then we were subjected to another 20 minutes of future feature trailers (please can’t we have these instead of adverts?).

After that there were more adverts for pizzas and Coca Cola (just in case we’d forgotten their existance).

It wasn’t so much subliminal advertising as screaming it into our faces until we’d agree to anything so long as they’d show the bloody film!!!!
And then the film started and I found myself pressing back into the seat wishing I wasn’t quite so close to the action and fiddling in my pockets for tissues to stuff into my ears..why does it have to be so loud?
I have to confess I was losing the will to live by the time Toy Story finally started and I really thought there was going to be a standing ovation from the rest of the people in the audience because in fairness, 50 minutes of stuff you don’t want to see is a bit much.

But I got to thinking that so much has changed, of course it has, but I mean what is it all about?

Why are the adverts screaming buy ice-cream, sugary fattening drinks and don’t forget to spend £10 on a bag of rubberised Pick and Mix when we all hear and read in the news that child obesity and diabetes is a serious epidemic waiting to happen?

Am I the only person to notice?

When I was little I loved Rice Krispies and hot milk on Weetabix, I still do in fact.

The choice of cereals then was those two plus cornflakes, sugar puffs (I never understood those) and ready brek, now there is an aisle the length of the Welsh Border with every conceivable slant on a cereal imaginable!
I admit I did buy some chocolate Weetabix myself a few weeks ago, but only after checking it against a thousand other chocolate cereals for no excess sugar and rubbish e-numbers.
The staff in Waitrose started bringing me tea and biscuits before I even got halfway down the aisle!

I think it’s great to move with the times and enjoy the innovations and new ideas but I’m sure I won’t be making too many trips to the 8 screen cinema wondering what on earth it’s all about.
I shall go to our small local Victorian cinema, whose only changes since I was small is to put slightly better heating in.
I love having a few mod cons around me, but I’m not a Frog like likes too much change.

I even like my car making the same clunks and engine sounds as my fathers did back in the 70′s even though mine is a model from this century.
I like my hot weetabix…but a bit of chocolate is always good isn’t it?

This is the latest video of the kittens, just under a day old, click on the words New Kittens above to see them and listen to Mummy Cat purring

The cat ‘Boots’ has just had kittens in the last hour.
Any background noise is my sister in law getting stuff ready for Darling Husband’s Birthday Party. Click the word kittens above and watch a video of brand new kitty cats.

“Da-ad!
Daddy my sister won’t let me go on CBeebies!”

“Mum! Email!!” – Teenager
“Mu-um!…E-MAIL!!” – Fluff-Bucket

Me- can i read my email?
Everyone else “NO!”

Then in will walk Darling Husbands’ best friend…
“Look at this on You-Tube!”
Me…”Not now Uncle G, I do have work to do”

Uncle G “No No…not now, this is much more important! Put the kettle on woman!”

He’ll wheel the office chair away with whoever is sat in it and takes possession of the lap-top..click, click and there we all are, fascinated.
We’ll all stand mesmerised by his latest find on the internet, the favourite being binocular football and we’ll laugh helplessly at the video.
Then we’ll play it again and laugh at darling Husbands’ friend laughing…he is very, very funny.
Apparently his work colleagues put the binoculars football on YouTube to watch him laugh!

The milkman arrives and more nonsense is spouted while the kettle boils again.
Meanwhile I have to take phone calls from clients outside so they can’t hear the wild laughter inside, does anyone else work under these conditions?
I suspect not.
I did ask my neighbour who regularly has v.important conference calls.
She has a large office upstairs in her capacious house, down a long oak corridor, safe from any interruptions, or so she thought..
Only, I repeat, only when she is in conference of importance will her children sit outside the door howling about each other.
Sick of this she dispatched them for a playday and settled down for her important call.
Halfway through her husband walked into the hallway downstairs and yelled ‘Who left the fu**ing door open?’
He then slammed in hard enough to reach a ’6′ on the Richter Scale.
Working from home isn’t always easy (sigh).

On reaching our destination, all stomach contents intact, smiling faces, shouts of “I can see the sea!”, the sun went in and it started to rain. Not to be deterred by the grim weather, the children quickly disembarked and grabbed a bag/basket each and tore down to the sand. I put on two jumpers and a jacket, bought 7 polystyrene cups of Hot Chocolates and followed suit.

The light was dramatic and beautiful, the rain stopped, the children dug holes and paddled in the rock pools. They built a huge sandcastle and got soaking wet. The tide suddenly seemed to be very close so everybody grabbed something and ran for the pebbly bits where the tide doesn’t reach. “Has everybody got everything?” , we glanced around, confident we had all our belongings and legged it.

We opened our picnic, I had to confiscate the butter knife from my friend as it soon became very clear she was incapable in the spreading department, and we were soon all chomping happily on sandy sandwiches with added cheese and ham, hard boiled eggs and crisps.

We were happily munching, watching the tides swirling round the rocks we had just been sat on when daughter no. 1 shouted “Look, it’s Jazzies boot!!”
There was one of her beautiful pink suede boots, floating on the incoming tide. Jazz was devastated that her boot was wet, and then even more so when she realised that she didn’t have the other one. Daughter no. 1 rescued the boot, laughing at how daft her sister was. She looked around for her own boots, “OHMYGOD!! Mummy, where are my Converses??”
Another panic, we were now three items of footwear down, and had two very stroppy, upset girls on our hands demanding we left the beach immediately to buy new shoes.

I suggested we all calm down, and finish our picnic. Well what do you know, there was another pink boot floating in towards us HURRAY!! One daughter was restored to being perfect, the other now had smoke pouring from her ears and was about to spontaneously combust. The boys had wandered off along the beach in order to avoid the tantrums, the youngest one suddenly started screaming and yelling..oh, what now?? He’d found one Converse along the beach and he could see the other one trying to attach itself to a mans’ foot. Brilliant!

We thought it best to leave immediately if not sooner, before any other calamity could come our way. Humour well restored and ice creams in hand we drove off, having thoroughly enjoyed our day. The journey home was speedy and stress-free, we just had to stop and fill up with Diesel on our return to Monmouth. (Have you seen how much it is??)

There is only one petrol station in Monmouth, it was packed with vehicles spilling out onto the road and there was a definite amount of stress building up because of the waiting, amongst the drivers.
The gentleman (I use that term very loosely) in front of us was in a 4×4.
He filled up with Diesel.
The car in front of him drove away leaving a nice big space (without Diesel on the pump).
We waited patiently.
The gentleman (again, loosely) locked his petrol cap (no-one does that anymore, come on!), rooted around in his vehicle for a while and then produced a petrol can.
He filled that up with Petrol.
We waited patiently.
He put the can back in his car and started to walk to pay for his fuel…I beep the horn and when he turned said, could you move up a bit so I fill up p…
“HAVE SOME PATIENCE!!” he yelled, dragged his door open and lurched his vehicle forwards.
I smiled and said “Thankyou”, now I had a landrover and horse box behind me the queues were seriously building up.
I tried to put Diesel in my car, but it wouldn’t work because Mr Happy had used the pump twice and they can’t let you have any if two amounts are owning on one pump.
We waited patiently.
As soon as he’d started to pay I was able to start filling my car, the gentleman stamped out of the shoppy bit and shouted “See! You didn’t get it any faster did you? AND, YOU could have pulled in front of me!!”
“There’s no Diesel on that pump” I replied,……….. “Dickhead!”.
The man drove off, I pulled forwards out of courtesy for the next vehicle and paid for the outrageously expensive fuel politely and with terribly good humour.We laughed all the way home.
What a Grand Day out!

We have a fabulous new Frog website…a revolution in party bag buying (cue applause).

Please take a look around and do let me know what you think, or better still, click the sharelinks and tell your Twitter and Facebook friends about us!

On this new site you can go through an easy step by step process to order bespoke party bags.

1. Choose the style bag you like

2. choose the right size for you

3. Personalise the bag with your guests’ name

4. Select an image from our gallery or uplaod an image/photo from your own computer!

Simples!

Bags from 20 x 14cm up to enormous Laundry Bags are available!

We’re still working on the site, a few more things to add but it’s essentially done, I very much hope you find it easy to use and enjoy our new range from Hawkins Bazaar.

Do let us know if the site looks OK and of course if we can give you a quote for party bags in the future!

Caroline

x

A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god– with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It’s a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late– it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine– which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun– like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

The English is clear enough to lorry drivers – but the Welsh reads “I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated.”

When officials asked for the Welsh translation of a road sign, they thought the reply was what they needed.
Unfortunately, the e-mail response to Swansea council said in Welsh: “I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated”.
So that was what went up under the English version which barred lorries from a road near a supermarket.

Swansea council got lost in translation when it was looking to halt heavy goods vehicles using a road near an Asda store in the Morriston area.
All official road signs in Wales are bilingual, so the local authority e-mailed its in-house translation service for the Welsh version of: “No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only”.
The reply duly came back and officials set the wheels in motion to create the large sign in both languages.
The notice went up and all seemed well – until Welsh speakers began pointing out the embarrassing error.
Welsh-language magazine Golwg was promptly sent photographs of the offending sign by a number of its readers.

The sign was lost in translation – and is now missing from the roadside

Other confusing signs
“We took it down as soon as we were made aware of it and a correct sign will be re-instated as soon as possible.”
The blunder is not the only time Welsh has been translated incorrectly or put in the wrong place:

• Cyclists between Cardiff and Penarth in 2006 were left confused by a bilingual road sign telling them they had problems with an “inflamed bladder”.
• In the same year, a sign for pedestrians in Cardiff reading ‘Look Right’ in English read ‘Look Left’ in Welsh.
• In 2006, a shared-faith school in Wrexham removed a sign which translated the Welsh for staff as “wooden stave”.
• Football fans at a FA Cup tie between Oldham and Chasetown – two English teams – in 2005 were left scratching their heads after a Welsh-language hoarding was put up along the pitch. It should have gone to a match in Merthyr Tydfil.
• People living near an Aberdeenshire building site in 2006 were mystified when a sign apologising for the inconvenience was written in Welsh as well as English.